Sunday thoughts I’m ashamed of

Whenever the new roster comes out I’m always thrilled to discover that I’ve got some Sundays off. That means I can attend church service and get back in touch with my spiritual family. But when Sunday comes around all I want to do is sleep.

My relationship with sleep

I love sleep. And sleep loves me back. If I didn’t have to set the alarm for work the next morning, I would sleep for twelve hours.

This is no exaggeration. A little digging will tell you that psychologists would say I’m depressed, but I am far from it. Last night, for example, I kept waking up at hour 6, hour 7, hour 10, and finally hour 11, because my dream was in the horror genre and every time I went back to sleep it would continue. I just had to find out what happened next.

Thus the thoughts

So I woke up today at three in the afternoon. The evening service was at six. Guess what my first thought was? Maybe I’ll skip church today. Can you believe it? I know, I’m horrible.

It’s not the first time I’ve been this way either. And it’s not because I don’t like going to church – like I said, I’m excited about having Sundays off. I think it’s simply that sort of inertia that takes over most of us (I’d like to think I’m not alone in this) when we’re having a rather slow start. The less we do, the lazier we get.

Dreams, plans and human effort

Similarly, this is why New Year’s resolutions hardly ever work. We have all that energy at the beginning of the year, we have as much determination as an Olympic athlete, but when it comes time to run, we only have enough energy for one lap. We get a gym membership and guess what. (I am not guilty on this account because I have never signed up, so at least here I’m realistic).

This problem, however, is not something recent. It’s not the effect of technology or an increasingly sedentary lifestyle trend, or anything else we blame our problems for. It is, in fact, part of the human condition. Here it is in black and white years and years and years ago in the words of Paul:

Romans 7:15-20

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

The real reason why I wanted to stay home

I’m in the middle of a writing project and have come across a block. I have run out of ideas and I need to work harder and carry on if I want to meet the deadline I have set for myself to finish it. That’s why I wanted to skip church. Imagine if I could get those two hours to myself, ransacking my brain for anything that might be tucked away somewhere and get me writing again.

But guess what, I went anyway. That little voice inside me won, and I went to Sunday service.

Red in the face

Something I saw on the stage prompted me and gave me an amazing idea. I am now proud to say that I’m finally out of my block and very excited to continue writing again. None of that would have happened if I hadn’t gone. I would never have found that idea tucked away in my brain. God had given me the solution to my problem even when that problem threatened to steal the time I would have spent with Him, and thus I am well and truly ashamed of myself.

I know this won’t be the last time I go back to my twisted way of thinking, justifying that it’s okay to sleep for 12 hours watching a horror dream yet totally unreasonable to pop in for 2 hours and hear the Word of God. That’s what I am, I’m stubborn and I can be lazy and I have my own horrid faults no matter how many times God makes me red in the face with embarrassment, and it helps that I’m writing it down. When it happens again the next time, I’ll have this to remind myself that what the Bible says is true:

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Happy Sunday, everyone!